for the baby minded

I've decided to steal this format from Lindsey in Texas. She's 10 weeks behind me in our second pregnancies and she uses this set-up every week; it's just so easy to read and catch up on everything. She never seems to forget pieces. Yeah Lindsey, you know you're good. She's been posting photos every week too folks, while you'll be lucky if you see another of me before Baby B is born because I'm lazy like that (as proof, I'd photograph my eyebrows for you, but that would mean getting out the camera).

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 35 weeks

Name: still none. Although I did solicit many suggestion last weekend from Facebook. The WORST submission which I got from many many idiots (I apologize if you were one of those aforementioned idiots) was William. Ummm, Liam & William. Should I name my next Bill or my girl Wilhelmina?

Size of baby: A honeydew melon (I like how much more specific this is than "squash" because I know how big a honeydew is. Squash was so vague.)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: 1.5 lbs. At this rate I'll be back to my ultimate goal weight when I walk outta the hospital ;)

Maternity Clothes: Well, this week I have to figure out how to make a t-tunic for my medieval feast that will accommodate a big 9 month preggo belly. That should be interesting especially as I've only got 3 more nights to do the fam's garb for this feast. Last week in union negotiations, my coworker and also the superintendent said I looked like I had dropped!!! Aww hell no! Too soon! Turns out it was just my maternity sweater givign an optical illusion. Is that the super's way of saying she wants me gone sooner?

Gender: Well, "B" still better be a boy since I haven't seen a pick of him since November (and also because I got his chromosomes tested at 10 weeks and genetically he was Xy).

Movement: he feels pretty lateral recently. Definitely a big lump in the right-rib cage side that's been traveling toward my waist. Hope that doesn't mean he's trying to go breach. Kick counts are almost always 10-12 minutes. Last week in the car, it took 30 minutes for 10 counts and then he seemed to kick me 30x in 10 minutes. Go figure. Also, I can definitely say my placenta must be on the left anterior side (near the stomach) because I almost never feel any movement in that area (anterior placentas dampen the feel of the kicks). Hey, he's also been kicking me in the intestines too - woohoooo!

Sleep: Getting up to pee every once in awhile, but still not regularly. Have been really really HOT - darn estrogen. And I've been getting a nasty charlie horse in my calf frequently at night, painful enough to wake me and cause me to try to stretch. Friday night is was SO BAD that I woke up yelling "ouch ouch ouch" and throwing the covers off to grab at my leg. Then I felt bad because I was sure Jon would freak out and think I was in labor (bugger never had that thought cross his mind).

What I miss: Eating fruit until I can't and then eating more. Also I miss my emotional calm.

Cravings: Sweets, especially candy and ice cream. I've given in a few more times recently than I should have. Like the giant cookie I had with my lunch. My sugars were 168. Oops. Oh, and I've been craving tortillas too.

Symptoms: My boob was leaking a little last week which prompted having to go buy breast shields. The charlie horse in my leg makes me freak out and think I have a deep vein thrombosis and will throw a clot and stroke out and die during delivery (doc emailed and said "warm bath and stretch before bed," Dad, RN, said "possibly dehydrated or calcium deficient.") And the bladder control has been failing again because I've got allergies making me pee every time I cough.

Best Moment this week: sadly, I didn't have any preggo moments that I'd qualify as "best"

blogging what the heart wants

Don't blame the exhaustion from pregnancy or trying to put on my medieval faire at school. I haven't been blogging a lot because . . . well frankly, Jon and I are going through a really rough patch right now and I find it best not to write down my frustrations. "Why?" you ask. "Don't you think writing it down could be therapeutic or something?" The fact of that matter is I'm not totally sure who reads my blog. I mean, I know my followers that are listed, but he might be popping in once in awhile or there might be members of his family checking in for pregnancy updates. Not that I would be saying anything super defamatory or outrageous about my husband. But you understand how things can be taken out of context.

I've tried getting myself and us some counseling, but things didn't stick for long. I am truly tired when I come home at night. I just don't feel good about life in general right now. And all these bad feelings I've only been able to share with a couple of people (most recently my dad). The biggest thing is . . . I'm waiting for a moment to talk with him about my feelings. Really TALK with him. But it's definitely impossible when I am so angry inside because all he does is play stupid games on his cell phone all day.

Well, I should stop right now because I'm starting to get upset and frustrated again. And honestly, this has been a terrible day with a toddler who's done nothing but scream and yell and throw and cry and try to kick and destroy since 3:30pm and as soon as he managed to get some dinner into him, he amped right back up again. I will admit to spending about 20 minutes lying in my bed under the covers while my child screamed and ranted unattended (because Jon had gone to get frozen vegetables for dinner that he forgot earlier today).

I am being really honest and serious right now . . . I truly don't know if I can have another baby added into this mess and come out of it alive/strong. I foresee my near future being pretty close to catastrophe. I don't think I can do this!!! And I'm also not sure I want to either.

Valentine's Day 2011

Earlier this week, my husband told me we were almost broke for the month again. Only $500 for the next 2 weeks. Ugh, this is not working right. Technically we have another $200 in savings but I don't want to use it :( So last night, right after putting Liam to bed, I told him "please don't get me anything for Valentine's Day."

There's a story to this . . . I've been watching Food Network all weekend and craving cupcakes. He had asked me if I wanted cupcakes for Valentine's Day. I thought this meant he was going to drive down to Davis to a bakery near our pediatrician that sells no-sugar-added cupcakes. Well that would be fantastic, but they're expensive, and then you add gas/mileage, and getting the toddler installed into the car on our first rainy day in 3 weeks . . . just not worth the effort.

So I get the look that says "is this a wife-trap?" No, I really don't want anything. We don't have the money, sweetheart. And I really don't want anything. It's just not feasible this year. Maybe some day in the future when we disposable income again. Then we can afford babysitters and going out for dinner and goodies for the boys.

At school today, I realize I had my first truly uncomfortable with pregnancy moment during this pregnancy. Baby B was riding high in my rib cage all day long. I was doing a lot of standing, writing stuff on the board because my overhead projector is on the bust. In between I would sit on my stool (yeah, great for my back -NOT). I got dizzy a couple times. This happened on Friday last week too. Even by dinner time, he was still so high in my abdomen that I had to eat in the recliner and sitting up to cut my chicken was miserable. Then he started some major rolling back and forth, which although created an interesting belly roll from the outside, felt crazy mean on the inside. Ugh, thanks a lot little one.

Also at school today . . . I see my principal walking up to my block of classes with a big long box under his arm. When he starts to come in my room, I first think "what the heck, I didn't order anything" then my little heart flutters because the box is a perfect shape for a roll-up map!!! How sad and pathetic; I thought I was getting a surprise map for my classroom. Then when I look at the box, I realize it's flowers. I've NEVER gotten flowers at work from anyone (well, if you don't count the ones my kids steal off the rosebushes and give to me). After finishing the class work (St. Francis of Assisi Baby!), I open it to the delight of my 6th period students. A fuchsia phalaenopsis orchid is inside. Awwwwww. I love orchids! I wish I'd gotten a pic, but all I had was my phone camera which isn't all that great.

Thank you sweetheart... that was a nice gesture, especially because I know things haven't been too easy between us recently. I am luvd!