to depress or not?

When I was pregnant with Liam, I had the easiest, most emotionally stable pregnancy. You see, I've suffered from depression my entire life and finally realized what it is like to live happy like a normal person. Well, in addition to the whole pre-heating the oven thing, I've been thinking about getting back on anti-depressants again. Part of this was spurred on by my "get healthier" kick and part by Hubster's recent return to depression meds. He's been doing really well this month btw.

I took a class about depression meds and fetuses/newborns during my pregnancy. While I could pretty much teach the whole class, I did learn a lot of stuff about meds and breastfeeding. Even though I feel well educated on the topic, I still asked my doctor's opinion last week. She told me that she'd only be comfortable starting me on Zoloft (I had some success with Prozac and bad luck with Paxil). She said Prozac is probably the best one for me to e on because it is fast acting and long lasting, however it's considered a NO GO for prenant mothers. She reminded me that Zoloft is fine for fetuses but that newborns go through withdrawal shortly after birth and have been noted to have difficulty bonding. She doesn't want me using them during breastfeeding.

I thought about it a lot over the weekend. It was a difficult decision to make. I know not every pregnancy is the same and my biggest worry is what if I can't shake this malaise? what if this time I get worse during my pregnancy or suffer from post-partum? But I also know that starting the meds for just a couple weeks and then having to get off of them would be worse for me in the long run. Maybe I'll feel better or more alive when the last of my birth control hormones from my Mirena get out of my system (I have made a strong connection between my birth control & hormones and my depression worsening). I decided it would be best to just "go with it." I'm going to adopt wait-and-see how things work. I hope hope hope I'll have a happy pregnancy with the second like I did with Liam.

And of course, my doctor thought this was the best course of action considering I'm trying to get pregnant. (Doesn't that just sound like a doctor?)

adventures with yeast

...and without.

I've recently gotten into my brain to create my own sourdough. Let's ignore the fact that I also recently swore to reduce my carbohydrate intake. (tee-hee) So I've been combing the web and trying to find some recipes for making sourdough bread, but they all ask for this one important thing . . . a "starter." If you're from Northern California like I, then you understand that there ain't nothing like a San Francisco sourdough bread. In fact, there truly isn't. The SF Bay Area has its own particular kind of lactobaccillus (that's the bacteria that helps make food twang) called L. sanfranciscansis (I didn't even have to look that up. . . I saw it on a History Channel show once) that is only found in the Bay air and once you move the starter away from the Bay it picks up the local flora and loses its San Francisco taste.


Okay, bird walk about the SF dough aside, apparently it is possible to start your own starter without a "mother" or a kit. So I started yesterday morning hoping to do it right. The reason you make a sourdough starter is not only to get the twangy flavor, but to make your bread rise without keeping little yeasty beasties alive (since they're already alive and kickin' it in their "sponge" starter). It takes equal part by weight of water and flour, a clean bowl, a moderate room temperature, a loose cover, and a couple days. I started with 8 oz. tap water and 8 oz. regular ol' white flour. Here was my starter after a couple hours. It was barely bubbly and smelled like paste. Boring.

This morning I checked on it. It had gotten a little dried out and a little dark colored on the top. I decided I didn't need a whole ton of starter so I discarded half and then added another 4 oz. water and flour and stirred it all up. Then I stuck it in the oven with the light on (not the oven on) because we had so much wind drafting through the house this morning that my starter was down in the low end of the growth range (60-80 degrees F). I got the air in the oven up to 93 degrees in 2 hours with the heat from the light and from the heat from the outgassing. He was starting to smell a little like gym socks. Then I sat him on the counter. Here he is after about 36 hours total. He's pretty bubbly on the top and definitely smelling like yogurt. I wish I could say it was unpleasant, but in my reading I learned the only way to make sour dough is to get the starter sour smelling. Go figure :) And if you couldn't tell by now, we've taken to calling the startr "he" and "him". He's like another little baby right?








On a side note, here's a little loaf of french bread I made yesterday afternoon. I wish I could take all the credit for it, but I definitely let the bread machine do the kneading. I don't have the guts to try mixing or kneading by hand yet. But I seem to get the loaves to come out write. It was delish.

It's May

Today is the first of May and for some reason I'm feeling especially closer connections to my old Wiccan roots. This is of course, May Day or Beltane. It's the ancient celebration of life and creation and fertility. I don't know. I think the connection must come from the fact that I'm now officially "preheating the oven" and we are soon to be trying for another baby. I went to see my doctor yesterday and get my Mirena removed. It hurt way less than getting it inserted. In fact, I really don't think it hurt at all. Jon kept asking me if I was doing alright and I kept saying that I was fine. No cramping or tired feeling or pain. I did get my thyroid levels checked and that hurt more since it required a blood draw. (btw, got my results back and my thyroid hormone is in the normal range but it is on the low side of normal). So my doctor said that we are allowed to start trying after I have one normal cycle. Which means, I can start TTC basically at the beginning of June. YAY!!! I guess I'm feeling May because I'm really thinking about my own fertility. Hrmmm, let's see... I'm really hoping for a May baby so we better get busy by August ;)

words and noises

Liam has a new favorite word, CAR. He brings us his cars, he says car.
It's fast out-pacing Elmo.
Even cuter? His new noise, vroom-vroom.
Vrooming whenever he plays cars.