baby brain

Alright, so my little Yam is getting to be a big spud. Liam will be 20 months next Friday, he's almost 3' tall, and quite a remarkable little creature who just lights up my world. I've recently gotten to hold a little baby of 3 months and another infant almost a year old. They feel so wonderful to hold onto (and amazingly light when you compare them to holding my bruiser of a boy). I've been thinking about having our next one. I mean, before I lost my job (for the second year in a row), Hubster and I were pretty much of the mindset that we would start trying again during our vacation this summer. It would be a great time, trying to conceive by August in order to have a baby by the beginning of the next summer break.

But that parenthetical comment is the reason why I'm upset. I am not quite sure enough that I'll have my job back before the end of this school year. The vacation is paid for so there's no going back on it. But the baby...well that topics hasn't been broached yet. I was kind of hoping to talk with my doctor this spring break and have my Mirena removed. But now, man I'm not so sure. This whole, losing my job every year thing, well, that's a shitty thing to be going through and I would hate the idea of knowing I'm losing my job and pregnant at the same time. After all, I stretch to afford my health insurance as it is; I can't even begin to imagine what it'll be like on COBRA.

So here it is. We are getting to the point where I'll need to have my birth control removed soon so we can try to have another baby. Or we can wait another year and see if we're at a better point in our lives (like we had been hoping to buy a house before now). Or we don't have another child at all. I don't know how I feel about that. Seriously. Growing up i didn't want to have kids ever! Now I don't know if my family will be complete without having at least one more. I have baby on the brain and I wish I could find some answers. And no, don't say pray on it because we're not religious types (and if we were I'd be praying on finding a better life-path that doesn't put my family in jeopardy every year).

new foods need bath

Eating foods animal style, face first.
Kethcup is officially vegetable and also a face-in food.
Unfortunately for his bottom, loves chicken chili with beans.
Will definitely need a bath tonight.

door jamb

Liam has had doorknobs down for months so we baby-proofed the bathroom door. He now shuts and opens it when inside the bathroom. Only door that locks too. Scary thought.

dinner w/ friends fail

Visited our "dinner" friends but Liam's time was miserable. Preschooler, infant, and newborn for playmates who don't. Achy face and crabby forced us to leave early. House wasn't toddler-friendly either.

in time for easter

Family portraits last night for Band fundraiser. First formal pics of Yam in 14 months.
Visited coworker's family in town. They have chickens; a pesky hen bit my baby's finger.

iodine

I got this nagging sneaky suspicion that my family wasn't getting enough iodine because we barely eat ocean fish and we don't use iodized table salt anymore (we're a kosher salt family through and through).

So I get the bug up my butt and email my doctor (our pediatrician probably would have responded sooner but he's a little crunchy granola if ya know what I mean). She was on vacay so it took a couple days.

She responded that yeah, Americans aren't getting as much iodine as they need these days (about 50 micrograms daily for adults and a little less for children). This is leading to health concerns such as the resurgence of goiters and gout. Also, apparently low iodine can lead to lowered thyroid function (hey is this the reason I'm getting fat and slow?). She said it can possibly cause mental retardation in infants too; although I'm not concerned about my son's mental capacity, I do feel bad about "cheating him out of" more success in life.

So, we will be returning to iodized table salt shortly. Maybe not for all of our cooking but maybe back in the salt shakers. Hubster isn't all that gung-ho about it but I'd rather he have a fighting chance in the metabolism realm than a big nasty goiter on his neck or a giant painful gouty toe - a la Ben Franklin and the animated Bobby Hill.

complainy

I spent over 20 minutes last night writing out a blog entry only to lose it. I accidentally posted it on the Yam's blog, but the tried to copy what I typed and then paste it over onto this blog. Nevertheless I lost it all. Bah!!! I'm beginning to remember why I hated blogging at times. Anyway, it wasn't really important or profound. Just me complaining that my newly sized ring doesn't fit but that I know I'm drinking way too much in the evenings and those two things might be correlated.

Update 3/27: So I got the post retrieved from Liam's blog and posted on here now. So nwo you can enjoy my whinging about drinking and jewelry and pity about my job loss.

tight fit

I realize I've been doing a lot of drinking recently. Maybe not enough that you'd call me an alcoholic, but a lot more than normal. It's been rough mentally and emotionally since I lost my job, again. Yeah, I know it was only a preliminary cut, and yeah I know I almost certainly have my job back, and yeah I know I haven't shed too many tears over it . . . but I'm still very very hurt.

So, the tough fit part. I haven't been able to wear my engagement ring since being about 7 months pregnant with my little Goblin. I've missed it a lot and recently got pangs of jealousy when a coworker got engaged and had such a sparkly ring. Well, my Granny (bless her heart) said she'd pay to have it r-esized as an anniversary present and would then pay to have it re-sized again when I do lose the weight.

Well, unfortunately they didn't size it up quite enough. It's big enough that I can wear it again, but it's still tight. Bring on the "tea & sympathy." We all know alcohol does awful things to you and one of them is currently making me retain water so my ring is literally constricting if I wear it to bed. Let's not forget the empty calories in liqour, wine, and beer. This lay off is not doing me any good. Btw, I'm currently polishing off a whiskey sour after having had a whiskey on the rocks this evening. Not pretty, I know (hey you haven't seen all the spelling errors I've had to correct in this typing time.

Part of me wishes I had a place to drink until I was puking or falling down. Maybe then I would get it out of my system (along with a few pent up tears). Yes, I understand that I'm covering up my emotions with booze. I wish I had some alternative outlets or resources. I wish I didn't feel like people were judging me harshly if I lose it and cry or scream about my job situation.

It really doesn't help that this is parent-conferencing weekend. *eye roll*sigh*

dog teeth

Liam must be becoming a dog because he's getting all his canine teeth right now. His face hurts so much. Lower two have cut already, upper buds are close behind.

pretense and separation

Ok so I know not everyone is happily married but I'm a little perturbed by one who is now on his way to happy divorce. I saw his Twitter tweet yesterday evening crowing about how he is truly "Bay Area" because he was sitting around drinking red wine and having his hair dyed crazy colors by his ex-wife. Well that answered that question. He's getting divorced.

This "he" is an old friend of mine who I've become increasingly distanced from over the years. He used to be a theater-geek way back in the day. But by the time he transferred to university at SFSU, well he became more and more what his idea of hipster (or something like it was). I tried to stay in touch with his lifestyle through blogs and the occasional email. But I became more and more aware that he was incredibly pretentious. He puts on these airs of who he supposed to be: work, hobbies, dance, romance.

We first met his wife at our wedding actually. They had only been dating a couple months. Hubster and I both thought they were right for each other, interested in each others music and hobbies and interests. We were invited to their wedding the next Spring, but couldn't go as we already had plans, but Hubster and I had just been married over a year.

They do odd things as a couple. Burning Man. Dickens Faire. Steam Punk conventions. Not to mention their whole wedding was done in home sewn Victorian garb and the reenacted Logan's Run through the streets of San Francisco with their just as odd and pretentious friends. It's all a show to these people. It's all about which nuveau punk band is playing at their "now" internet cafe. The tweets and blogs and facebook posts are self-important tripe begging to be validated. Frankly, I feel completely out of touch with this old friend and his new psyche. Frankly I'm a little disgusted as I am sickened by his pretense.

And yet . . . I am really truly sorry that his marriage has dissolved already, not quite 2 years full. Interestingly enough, he shares so much of his life online but he didn't share what led up to the end. And I guess, according to his post, they are still amicable. But it doesn't seem like it was at all right or real does it? Hubster asked "I wonder if he ever felt the 'forever love' that you should feel before you get married?" I asked "I wonder if they ever tried to work it out?" I thought they'd be able to make it work but obviously it wasn't happening. So I guess I need to ask now, was it all just a big pretense? like everything else?

word count

I know words only count if people outside of the household understand.
Liam's word count (to us) is now up to eight:

• Hiya
• Shoe
• Go
• Oh No!
• Yes
• Nose
• Elmo
• Dada

Catching up

Sorry all for not posting regularly. I've been incredibly busy with work and trying to save my job and cramming for a test. I've gone in and back-dated several entries regarding wonderful things in Liam's life over the last 2 weeks.

Muddy buddy

Looked at potential rental, Liam played with ad hoc babysitter Victoria. He discovered the leaking sprinkler with requisite puddle. New thrift store vetements on the way home for Muddy Buddy.

Park afternoon

Liam's first knee scrape today; he'd run so hard all over Beamer Park. Caught him just before he face planted, but sandy concrete was his undoing. Sore but barely noticeable.

letters & numbers

Another tub-time feat:
letters and numbers are a treat!
Liam identifies and calls them out,
whether we hold them up or he grabs them with a shout.
Fun foam letters!

R, E, L, V, A
3, 5, 2, 8

anniversary

I spent my 3rd wedding anniversary with my CTA lawyer rather than my husband. :( Oh well. Heard some good things, but I don't know how much this hearing will help save my job. I mean, the union is going to save my job, not the lawyer. But he might be able to get my seniority increased by 3 weeks. Any little bit will help me right.

So here I will commemorate my wedding with a pic from my wedding night (I think I was sobering up by this point after the after party).

language = 1

What could that be? A word?!!! We both agree Liam finally said "hi" and meant it. He walked in the room, said HIYA. He chased the cat, screaming HI!

bath behavior

Funny new behavior in the tub. Laying on belly, ear in the water to hear the water falling in and the bubbles pop. I remember doing that as a kid.

Achievements

Liam's productive weekend:
successfully postponed nap time until after 2pm,
finally cut 4th molar,
spilled gallon of humidifier water on carpet,
went for sunny ride with new wheels.
Said "hiya."

New wheels

Liam loves his new umbrella stroller, though we haven't been able to take him out in it, pushing the folded stroller up and down the hallway; he loves wheels rolling.

stores!

Tonight a trip to IKEA on the hunt for a pint-sized chair. Best yet and 5 months in between visits. Also finally purchased umbrella stroller, so get ready for walkies!

Tentative Agreement

We have reached a tentative agreement with the school district in an (what feels like futile) attempt to save some jobs. Hoping that all goes well and the state of California gets their asses in gear to get a decent budget in on time and doesn't take away $400 per pupil of monies, then we might actually get to keep the teachers. Except me. My job is entirely based on the teeter-tottering vacillations of a potential retiree. There will be some reassignments and there will be some tears but we hope to keep the jobs.

The superintendent will be coming through on Friday, March 12 to hand out lay-off notices. However, every single teacher in our district this year is now tenured. So these will be RIFs, not non re-elects.

There's a bright side to this. At least this year I know ahead of time. And we didn't buy a house; we kinda stalled out on that during February. So now I'm drinking a bottle of cabernet-sauvignon to celebrate the fact that I'm jobless . . . again!

Unexpected tickles

He loves tickles in unusual circumstances. This evening my hair on his bare belly got him guffawing. A precious heart tickling moment; I witnessed Liam's first kiss back from Lily.

19 months old

My toddler struts by with a cough and cup. Today he's nineteen months and he's babbling up a storm, yet nary a word do I comprehend. Mom, you never understand!!!

Serendipity on high stakes test

I returned to my classroom today after my highly needed 2-days off. I was frustrated because I came in knowing that I had to rearrange my entire curriculum for the week because the 7th graders were taking their written component of the CST during the morning classes today. Why this couldn't happen last week? I don't know. So I had originally planned to have them test on Japan today since I didn't want them testing with a sub (yesterday, tomorrow, and friday). But no, the CST takes precedence.

Came back to a serendipitous stroke of luck. This year's writing prompt was about Japan . . . we just finished covering Japan last week. Yeah, it didn't really have anything to do with what I covered in my class. It just helps that they got their previous exposure to the curriculum bfore the test.

Today starts "Boot Camp" for the 8th graders. You see, in CA we don't test 6th or 7th grade students on the History curriculum. Nope. We save it for a grueling 75 question multiple choice test during their 8th grade state test. So my students will not be demonstrating any of their knowledge of MEdieval History until next year. But this year, our new principal is very concerned that our 8th graders do well so he's having us offer a sort of boot camp of review for the test. Once a week (on Tuesdays) my former students will split an afternoon with me and their 8th grade US History teacher reviewing for at least the 7th & 8th grade portions of the test.

So I'm starting off today by giving them the 100 Facts Quiz (a weekly exercise I developed last year to prepare them for the CST by covering hte basics of the standards for 7th grade History). Let's see how much they remember. . .

Thoughts on LA trip

We went to a wedding in LA this weekend and I took my first vacation of the entire school year. Up to this point, I have been absent from the classroom several times, but all for work-related activities including workshops and seminars, half day on campus to work on my assessments, and CTA/union work. But this weekend was just for me and my hubby. It was wonderful to have some "us" time without the baby even if we did have to drive all day on Friday and Sunday.

We sat at the coolest table at the reception (of course) where most people knew each other from way-back-in-the-day but were more than willing to accept us into the fold (which was very generous as the only people I knew were the groom, his mother, and his mother's eccentric cousin from Nevada City whom I've met a grand total of twice . . . and Hubby only knew me). One of them, Jennifer, was a teacher until last year. I didn't pry into how long she had been teaching, but it can't have been too much more than I. She has a BA in art like Hubby and was working with intervention middle schoolers. She got laid off (hence the was a teacher part). She has not been able to find a job since.

I'm worried about my job again. March 15th is coming up quickly and our district is looking at cutting up to 5 teachers. This is all in order to accommodate the QEIA program that my school site is enrolled in. Sure we have awesomely low class sizes, but in order to meet the reqs we are being forced to rearrange the teachers. Yet again, I am the low man on the totem pole of world off social studies in rural education. I have one credential and was hired the same day as my colleague who outranks me by years of experience. Forget that I am tenured in my district. Forget that I have been a successful classroom teacher for four years now. I am still looking at a RIF (reduction in force . . . aka layoff).

I worry about what else I am good at. I worry about finding another job should I get laid-off again this year. I worry about financially supporting my family given that I am the only bread winner in the household right now. I worry . . .

I don't have the capability of going back to school right now because of the money situation and even if I could, what would I go back to school for. I feel like my training in education has prepared me for nothing else but being a classroom teacher. Could I be a counselor? Could I be a specialist? Do I have management skills that apply to any other field.

2 weeks and counting . . .