halfway through leave

Yesterday I got a delightful surprise . . . lunch with my coworkers. Well, the lunch idea wasn't so much of a surprise because Katherine and I were planning on it. She gets her hair and nails done here in Colusa and had a nail appt so we were planning on lunch. But then we decided to ask two more work friends along, Emily (6th grade) and Cynthia (SpEd). Cynthia lives down the street and was the wonderful coworker who cleaned my house/babysat Liam so Jon and I could go out for our anniversary. Emily is my animal-lover-crazy friend who volunteers huge amounts of her time to the Yolo County SPCA (in addition to teaching the animals of the 6th grade). While we were there, another teacher who teaches 5th/6th combo at our small school, Kelli, and her family came in (she has a daughter a year older than Liam and worked at JJH the first year I was there).

We tried a little diner here in town that everyone's been raving about, Tommy's. I had a tri-tip sandwich that was fan-freakin'-tastic. We all had great conversation. Katherine is keeping the AVID program going at work and we actually have enough upcoming 7th graders to go back to teaching 2 sections of AVID next year; alas due to the giant size of the current 7th grade (next year's 8th grade), we don't have enough teachers to allow bringing back that 2nd section. Bummer.

I'm apparently going to be teaching a section of 8th grade US History next year. The principal announced this at a staff meeting the first week I was gone, but he and I had only had one discussion of it "as a possibility." This is basically because the 8th grade history teacher is NOT retiring this year (although I knew he wouldn't) and still wants to teach his "reading comprehension" intervention that he's teaching this year (although, I'm actually more qualified to teach an English intervention than he since I have a credential in English since last March). Katherine and Cynthia were a little aghast when the principal announced this but I am looking at it as a positive. IF I stay at this school, I see it as a challenge to really show the administration that the 8th grade teacher is totally out of touch and a poor teacher. He's boring, lectures all the time, derides the kids on their comprehension of US history, and frankly has pissed me off since he made a negative comment about my curriculum to the students (TO THE STUDENTS - who, precious cherubs they are, promptly reported back to me). So, IF I stay, I guess I'll not only be putting on another medieval festival, but I'll also be needing to find ways to show up the lazy/lousy teacher in my department.

That being said, my leave is now a little more than half over. I'll be honest, I'm a little bored. But that's because I haven't really made the decision to whether or not I'm going back for the remainder of the year. My leave officially ends on the 6th of May and basically has me going back for 18 school days (the last week of school has a holiday and ends on Thursday). I know I won't be the best teacher for that last month because I'll be very very tired doing the working-mom thing. I also don't want to jeopardize the work Colin and I are doing on breast feeding (something I felt happened when I returned to work with Liam). But I can't really find an angle to get my doctor or my psychiatrist to give me the rest of the year off with medical leave. That would allow me to continue to draw on my disability and get "paid" during leave. Legally, according to my contract and FMLA, I can take 5 months off from my job, but only with differential pay which means I have to pay the sub out of my check and still pay for health insurance and taxes on my whole check (even though I'm not getting all that money). I think if I knew I was not going back (since I'm still undecided), I would be starting some projects with Liam and Jon in addition to my bonding time with Colin. But I don't really want to start anything too much now since I don't know if Jon will keep up with it if I do go back to work. Another problem is we still haven't put Yam in daycare yet, although we've found a school I think I like and he's certainly ready to go, even for partial days/weeks.

And then there's the overall, shadowing question (made all the more real when Cynthia confided in me that she really may not be returning next year - entirely not her choice and a stupid mistake on our principal's decision making part) . . . what else am I going to do because I really really really don't want to work in Arbuckle anymore?

TMI - cat hork!

Today was a long long day. It's day 3 of my illuminated manuscripts project at school and well, my 7th graders aren't doing the bestest on it. Some are pretty decent; they're calligraphy sucks, but I blame it all on the fact they are not practicing patience and attention to detail. Maybe I'll post the best looking ones when they turn them in tomorrow. But I've been sleepy all day and we have a union negotiation tomorrow afternoon which might get really ugly. Basically, the 2 days of work before Thanksgiving Break will be a long, winding road and no brother to carry me.

Okay, now on to the title of the blog post. Just as I'm walking in very late this evening, into the back door, Poppy runs past and I nearly step on a big pile of cat hork. It was full of biscuits and wet food. Well, Poppy was the most likely culprit as she's the one that horks most often. I ignored it and went in to eat, watch TV, and play with my boy.

Well, after Liam and I took a shower, I went into the laundry room to throw some towels and clothes in that I couldn't get to with yesterday's marathon scourge purge. As I walked in, I couldn't find the cat hork. Huh?! But there was a suspicious pile of 3 socks, a wash cloth, and a pair of my underwear on the floor. Ugh, seriously?! The cats (one of them) went back into the laundry room and literally hid the hork under a conspicuous pile of clothes. What little witches. I swear cats are like toddlers.

4-day weekend (day 4)

Well, tomorrow it's back to the grind. Honestly, I'm not looking forward to it. Taking 4 days in a row with my guys has been wonderful and I am definitely not looking forward to 3 weeks off at Christmas for the very same reason. I already feel like I'm scrambling even though I made the decision to take it slow and steady with the medieval/Renaissance Europe studies. We're a little over 1 week into it and already I feel like I'm running out of time. I think part of it is because of the Thanksgiving holiday coming up in 7 school days. Then after that there's only 3 weeks before the end of the Quarter. The medieval festival is scheduled for the last Thursday in February and I'm already freaking out. I'm terrified of failing. That's a struggle I've always had. I try to be perfect in all things (or at least give the appearance that I'm living a Mary Poppins life "practically perfect in every way"). And I'm terrified that the festival will sink and the parents and people of my district will cluck their tongues and say behind their hands "See, we always knew she couldn't do anything good." I never feel like I'm good enough.

So, I'll be giving a quiz this next week and then I want to spend 3 days doing an art project. That's something I've been trying to add more into my curriculum this year. I don't know if the kids appreciate it. I'm sure they hate that I have to have a lesson plan for it, a reason for why. Anyway, I was hoping to illuminate nursery rhymes and teach them some basic calligraphy. But of course, I can't afford calligraphy pens. Maybe I can go buy some chisel tipped markers and get the school to reimburse me.

I also want to try to come up with some crafts for the boys' room, like maybe some name letters to hang on the wall. I have tons of scrap booking paper. I suppose I should go look at it. Oh, btw, this is the bedding I mentioned yesterday that I totally have fallen in love with. Jon and I don't think it's too girlie especially since we're going to go with a courtly/knightly theme for the boys room. (Another hint, it has stuck in our brains lately that Baby "B" be named for dragons - No, I'm not naming him Gorbash or Breagh or Srumgl.) Only trouble is that it is only available through JCPenney right now. I can't find an eBay or Amazon sale on it for the life of me.

RIF rescinded

On Saturday I got my official letter from my school district saying that my RIF was rescinded and I was welcome to come back to full employment in the fall. It was a pretty dull, lifeless, and soulless letter, totally legalese. But on the bottom, was a handwritten note from my superintendent. She apologized for the formality of the "form letter" and said she felt like I deserved a personal letter. Then she congratulated me on passing my English test (which I only mentioned to her in passing as I was leaving the Board meeting on Thursday). I wish any of that made me feel better about my working there.

tight fit

I realize I've been doing a lot of drinking recently. Maybe not enough that you'd call me an alcoholic, but a lot more than normal. It's been rough mentally and emotionally since I lost my job, again. Yeah, I know it was only a preliminary cut, and yeah I know I almost certainly have my job back, and yeah I know I haven't shed too many tears over it . . . but I'm still very very hurt.

So, the tough fit part. I haven't been able to wear my engagement ring since being about 7 months pregnant with my little Goblin. I've missed it a lot and recently got pangs of jealousy when a coworker got engaged and had such a sparkly ring. Well, my Granny (bless her heart) said she'd pay to have it r-esized as an anniversary present and would then pay to have it re-sized again when I do lose the weight.

Well, unfortunately they didn't size it up quite enough. It's big enough that I can wear it again, but it's still tight. Bring on the "tea & sympathy." We all know alcohol does awful things to you and one of them is currently making me retain water so my ring is literally constricting if I wear it to bed. Let's not forget the empty calories in liqour, wine, and beer. This lay off is not doing me any good. Btw, I'm currently polishing off a whiskey sour after having had a whiskey on the rocks this evening. Not pretty, I know (hey you haven't seen all the spelling errors I've had to correct in this typing time.

Part of me wishes I had a place to drink until I was puking or falling down. Maybe then I would get it out of my system (along with a few pent up tears). Yes, I understand that I'm covering up my emotions with booze. I wish I had some alternative outlets or resources. I wish I didn't feel like people were judging me harshly if I lose it and cry or scream about my job situation.

It really doesn't help that this is parent-conferencing weekend. *eye roll*sigh*

Tentative Agreement

We have reached a tentative agreement with the school district in an (what feels like futile) attempt to save some jobs. Hoping that all goes well and the state of California gets their asses in gear to get a decent budget in on time and doesn't take away $400 per pupil of monies, then we might actually get to keep the teachers. Except me. My job is entirely based on the teeter-tottering vacillations of a potential retiree. There will be some reassignments and there will be some tears but we hope to keep the jobs.

The superintendent will be coming through on Friday, March 12 to hand out lay-off notices. However, every single teacher in our district this year is now tenured. So these will be RIFs, not non re-elects.

There's a bright side to this. At least this year I know ahead of time. And we didn't buy a house; we kinda stalled out on that during February. So now I'm drinking a bottle of cabernet-sauvignon to celebrate the fact that I'm jobless . . . again!

Thoughts on LA trip

We went to a wedding in LA this weekend and I took my first vacation of the entire school year. Up to this point, I have been absent from the classroom several times, but all for work-related activities including workshops and seminars, half day on campus to work on my assessments, and CTA/union work. But this weekend was just for me and my hubby. It was wonderful to have some "us" time without the baby even if we did have to drive all day on Friday and Sunday.

We sat at the coolest table at the reception (of course) where most people knew each other from way-back-in-the-day but were more than willing to accept us into the fold (which was very generous as the only people I knew were the groom, his mother, and his mother's eccentric cousin from Nevada City whom I've met a grand total of twice . . . and Hubby only knew me). One of them, Jennifer, was a teacher until last year. I didn't pry into how long she had been teaching, but it can't have been too much more than I. She has a BA in art like Hubby and was working with intervention middle schoolers. She got laid off (hence the was a teacher part). She has not been able to find a job since.

I'm worried about my job again. March 15th is coming up quickly and our district is looking at cutting up to 5 teachers. This is all in order to accommodate the QEIA program that my school site is enrolled in. Sure we have awesomely low class sizes, but in order to meet the reqs we are being forced to rearrange the teachers. Yet again, I am the low man on the totem pole of world off social studies in rural education. I have one credential and was hired the same day as my colleague who outranks me by years of experience. Forget that I am tenured in my district. Forget that I have been a successful classroom teacher for four years now. I am still looking at a RIF (reduction in force . . . aka layoff).

I worry about what else I am good at. I worry about finding another job should I get laid-off again this year. I worry about financially supporting my family given that I am the only bread winner in the household right now. I worry . . .

I don't have the capability of going back to school right now because of the money situation and even if I could, what would I go back to school for. I feel like my training in education has prepared me for nothing else but being a classroom teacher. Could I be a counselor? Could I be a specialist? Do I have management skills that apply to any other field.

2 weeks and counting . . .