America Shall Not Perish

[We] here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain - that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom - and that government of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall not perish from the earth." ~ Abraham Lincoln, 1863

"That 'we here highly resolve...' in the midst of a bitter civil war, they came to listen: nearly twenty0-thousand people crowded onto a field in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania. It was November 1863. Only a few months earlier seven thousand Americans had lost their lives on this ground.

"With his Gettysburg Address, Lincoln transformed a field of sorrow and ashes into a place of hope. He understood how precious it was for a nation to rededicate itself, in a war-torn world, to the twin ideals of liberty and equality. Today, those ideals still stand as our twin towers: beacons to guide us as we strive to fashion a world in which all people may freely live their dreams." - James West Davidson, co-author, The American Nation

halfway through leave

Yesterday I got a delightful surprise . . . lunch with my coworkers. Well, the lunch idea wasn't so much of a surprise because Katherine and I were planning on it. She gets her hair and nails done here in Colusa and had a nail appt so we were planning on lunch. But then we decided to ask two more work friends along, Emily (6th grade) and Cynthia (SpEd). Cynthia lives down the street and was the wonderful coworker who cleaned my house/babysat Liam so Jon and I could go out for our anniversary. Emily is my animal-lover-crazy friend who volunteers huge amounts of her time to the Yolo County SPCA (in addition to teaching the animals of the 6th grade). While we were there, another teacher who teaches 5th/6th combo at our small school, Kelli, and her family came in (she has a daughter a year older than Liam and worked at JJH the first year I was there).

We tried a little diner here in town that everyone's been raving about, Tommy's. I had a tri-tip sandwich that was fan-freakin'-tastic. We all had great conversation. Katherine is keeping the AVID program going at work and we actually have enough upcoming 7th graders to go back to teaching 2 sections of AVID next year; alas due to the giant size of the current 7th grade (next year's 8th grade), we don't have enough teachers to allow bringing back that 2nd section. Bummer.

I'm apparently going to be teaching a section of 8th grade US History next year. The principal announced this at a staff meeting the first week I was gone, but he and I had only had one discussion of it "as a possibility." This is basically because the 8th grade history teacher is NOT retiring this year (although I knew he wouldn't) and still wants to teach his "reading comprehension" intervention that he's teaching this year (although, I'm actually more qualified to teach an English intervention than he since I have a credential in English since last March). Katherine and Cynthia were a little aghast when the principal announced this but I am looking at it as a positive. IF I stay at this school, I see it as a challenge to really show the administration that the 8th grade teacher is totally out of touch and a poor teacher. He's boring, lectures all the time, derides the kids on their comprehension of US history, and frankly has pissed me off since he made a negative comment about my curriculum to the students (TO THE STUDENTS - who, precious cherubs they are, promptly reported back to me). So, IF I stay, I guess I'll not only be putting on another medieval festival, but I'll also be needing to find ways to show up the lazy/lousy teacher in my department.

That being said, my leave is now a little more than half over. I'll be honest, I'm a little bored. But that's because I haven't really made the decision to whether or not I'm going back for the remainder of the year. My leave officially ends on the 6th of May and basically has me going back for 18 school days (the last week of school has a holiday and ends on Thursday). I know I won't be the best teacher for that last month because I'll be very very tired doing the working-mom thing. I also don't want to jeopardize the work Colin and I are doing on breast feeding (something I felt happened when I returned to work with Liam). But I can't really find an angle to get my doctor or my psychiatrist to give me the rest of the year off with medical leave. That would allow me to continue to draw on my disability and get "paid" during leave. Legally, according to my contract and FMLA, I can take 5 months off from my job, but only with differential pay which means I have to pay the sub out of my check and still pay for health insurance and taxes on my whole check (even though I'm not getting all that money). I think if I knew I was not going back (since I'm still undecided), I would be starting some projects with Liam and Jon in addition to my bonding time with Colin. But I don't really want to start anything too much now since I don't know if Jon will keep up with it if I do go back to work. Another problem is we still haven't put Yam in daycare yet, although we've found a school I think I like and he's certainly ready to go, even for partial days/weeks.

And then there's the overall, shadowing question (made all the more real when Cynthia confided in me that she really may not be returning next year - entirely not her choice and a stupid mistake on our principal's decision making part) . . . what else am I going to do because I really really really don't want to work in Arbuckle anymore?

morton salt (when it rains . . .)

Today my day began at 4:15. . .

Liam woke up in a crazy mood and Jon went in to calm him but didn't stay in there long. Consequently, Liam woke up shouting for us. This time Jon was angry so he went in and scolded our son who then screamed for 20 minutes. So at 4:45 I got up with him. After rocking and going out to the living room couch, he finally calmed down enough and I was frankly shocked that he went to sleep again. I actually heard the alarm in my room when I put Liam down, so I just stayed up and made sure to have an extra cup of coffee.

I look like crap. I felt so unattractive today (not that I'm trying to impress the 12 year old boys). My belly really popped last week and it's getting so much colder. But none of my sweaters are long enough to cover my belly. My work maternity shirts are all hotter weather shirts. I felt too casual and frankly I thought I looked worn out and frumpish. If I hadn't been taking my zoloft regularly, I might have dissolved into a puddle of tears when I had to change my pants last minute because I wasn't wearing a belly-panel pair and my naked belly kept peaking out. Alas, there is no money for buying maternity sweaters or blouses or slacks. And Christmas is too far away (in my whirlpool of sorrow). I actually had to wear a dress shirt of Jon's and looked like I was wearing a white tent.

I planned to take my popcorn popper because I had 4 classes who had earned some free time for scoring well on the 100 Facts Quiz. I took the whole she-bang. Popper, oil, salt, mortar & pestle. When I got to school, I realized I forgot the actual popcorn!!! MF! I also rode in the carpool today so I didn't have a car to run to the grocery before school started.

My students are so lucky they didn't try my patience because some heads would have rolled. As it was, they were pretty good today.

I got home and my hubby made some comfort food for me, but Liam (who had not napped all day) chose 10 minutes after I got home to throw his first tantrum of the whole damn day. Bless Jon's heart, he made tollhouse cookies and even made me a half-dozen without chocolate chips.

I took Liam into the shower which was a great chance to try to wash this awful day away. Liam threw a fit getting out.

When I was reading a book to Liam tonight, he was yawning so much we only got through one book (he chose Cinderella and said "pwincess" when I asked him who she was). But rocking wasn't getting him to sleep; Jon came in to ask him if it was time for going to bed. One second he was playing with his blanket, I hugged him closer and got a kiss, he said "nye nye" to me. I tried to get an "Ifuffyou" [i love you] out of him but that next moment he was passed out. Seriously, we were both shocked. Jon put him in the crib, we snuck out, and

. . . that (+ a cookie) made my day better.
:)

Couple of triumphs today. 1) started a calligraphy project with my 7th graders; they like it. 2) just wrote a great letter to help a friend's son start K early

Thoughts on LA trip

We went to a wedding in LA this weekend and I took my first vacation of the entire school year. Up to this point, I have been absent from the classroom several times, but all for work-related activities including workshops and seminars, half day on campus to work on my assessments, and CTA/union work. But this weekend was just for me and my hubby. It was wonderful to have some "us" time without the baby even if we did have to drive all day on Friday and Sunday.

We sat at the coolest table at the reception (of course) where most people knew each other from way-back-in-the-day but were more than willing to accept us into the fold (which was very generous as the only people I knew were the groom, his mother, and his mother's eccentric cousin from Nevada City whom I've met a grand total of twice . . . and Hubby only knew me). One of them, Jennifer, was a teacher until last year. I didn't pry into how long she had been teaching, but it can't have been too much more than I. She has a BA in art like Hubby and was working with intervention middle schoolers. She got laid off (hence the was a teacher part). She has not been able to find a job since.

I'm worried about my job again. March 15th is coming up quickly and our district is looking at cutting up to 5 teachers. This is all in order to accommodate the QEIA program that my school site is enrolled in. Sure we have awesomely low class sizes, but in order to meet the reqs we are being forced to rearrange the teachers. Yet again, I am the low man on the totem pole of world off social studies in rural education. I have one credential and was hired the same day as my colleague who outranks me by years of experience. Forget that I am tenured in my district. Forget that I have been a successful classroom teacher for four years now. I am still looking at a RIF (reduction in force . . . aka layoff).

I worry about what else I am good at. I worry about finding another job should I get laid-off again this year. I worry about financially supporting my family given that I am the only bread winner in the household right now. I worry . . .

I don't have the capability of going back to school right now because of the money situation and even if I could, what would I go back to school for. I feel like my training in education has prepared me for nothing else but being a classroom teacher. Could I be a counselor? Could I be a specialist? Do I have management skills that apply to any other field.

2 weeks and counting . . .