Don't blame the exhaustion from pregnancy or trying to put on my medieval faire at school. I haven't been blogging a lot because . . . well frankly, Jon and I are going through a really rough patch right now and I find it best not to write down my frustrations. "Why?" you ask. "Don't you think writing it down could be therapeutic or something?" The fact of that matter is I'm not totally sure who reads my blog. I mean, I know my followers that are listed, but he might be popping in once in awhile or there might be members of his family checking in for pregnancy updates. Not that I would be saying anything super defamatory or outrageous about my husband. But you understand how things can be taken out of context.
I've tried getting myself and us some counseling, but things didn't stick for long. I am truly tired when I come home at night. I just don't feel good about life in general right now. And all these bad feelings I've only been able to share with a couple of people (most recently my dad). The biggest thing is . . . I'm waiting for a moment to talk with him about my feelings. Really TALK with him. But it's definitely impossible when I am so angry inside because all he does is play stupid games on his cell phone all day.
Well, I should stop right now because I'm starting to get upset and frustrated again. And honestly, this has been a terrible day with a toddler who's done nothing but scream and yell and throw and cry and try to kick and destroy since 3:30pm and as soon as he managed to get some dinner into him, he amped right back up again. I will admit to spending about 20 minutes lying in my bed under the covers while my child screamed and ranted unattended (because Jon had gone to get frozen vegetables for dinner that he forgot earlier today).
I am being really honest and serious right now . . . I truly don't know if I can have another baby added into this mess and come out of it alive/strong. I foresee my near future being pretty close to catastrophe. I don't think I can do this!!! And I'm also not sure I want to either.
1 comment:
Oh friend, I understand your frustration. It seems Cody and I have gone through a rough YEAR or so, and a lot of times I feel hopeless that it will get better. I know that his family reads what I write, so it's hard to be honest with who I am and what's going on in my life while censoring what is appropriate for his grandmothers to read. Also, what my children will read about their father in the future! If there is anything I can do, let me know. And these crazy kids won't be toddlers forever, the tantrums have to get better!
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