to depress or not?

When I was pregnant with Liam, I had the easiest, most emotionally stable pregnancy. You see, I've suffered from depression my entire life and finally realized what it is like to live happy like a normal person. Well, in addition to the whole pre-heating the oven thing, I've been thinking about getting back on anti-depressants again. Part of this was spurred on by my "get healthier" kick and part by Hubster's recent return to depression meds. He's been doing really well this month btw.

I took a class about depression meds and fetuses/newborns during my pregnancy. While I could pretty much teach the whole class, I did learn a lot of stuff about meds and breastfeeding. Even though I feel well educated on the topic, I still asked my doctor's opinion last week. She told me that she'd only be comfortable starting me on Zoloft (I had some success with Prozac and bad luck with Paxil). She said Prozac is probably the best one for me to e on because it is fast acting and long lasting, however it's considered a NO GO for prenant mothers. She reminded me that Zoloft is fine for fetuses but that newborns go through withdrawal shortly after birth and have been noted to have difficulty bonding. She doesn't want me using them during breastfeeding.

I thought about it a lot over the weekend. It was a difficult decision to make. I know not every pregnancy is the same and my biggest worry is what if I can't shake this malaise? what if this time I get worse during my pregnancy or suffer from post-partum? But I also know that starting the meds for just a couple weeks and then having to get off of them would be worse for me in the long run. Maybe I'll feel better or more alive when the last of my birth control hormones from my Mirena get out of my system (I have made a strong connection between my birth control & hormones and my depression worsening). I decided it would be best to just "go with it." I'm going to adopt wait-and-see how things work. I hope hope hope I'll have a happy pregnancy with the second like I did with Liam.

And of course, my doctor thought this was the best course of action considering I'm trying to get pregnant. (Doesn't that just sound like a doctor?)